Brian Edwards Media

From ‘Ninth Floor Productions’, starring John and Liz and Jessica and Angelina (and Shane), It’s ‘Bedazzled PM’. And it’s HOT!!!!!

This really is a very curious little episode. Let me go through it with you. Feel free to stop me anywhere you think my reasoning is faulty.

The Prime Minister is appearing on Tony Veitch’s Radio Sport breakfast show.  Veitch asks him whether he would like to be Australian cricketer Shane Warne.

Mr Key replies: ‘Yeah, well given his current liaisons with Liz Hurley.’

He adds: ‘I like Liz Hurley. I reckon she is hot.’

I’ve been wondering how I would have answered that question. It’s difficult because I think Shane Warne is a total sleazebag. But, for the purposes of the exercise,  I’ll pretend that I’m a fan. 

Tony: ‘Brian, would you like to be Shane Warne?’

Brian: ‘What a bizarre question, Tony. But of course I’d love to be Shane Warne. You know what a great cricket fan I am and, like him or loathe him, Shane is one of the greatest cricketers of all time. Who wouldn’t want to be Shane Warne?’

There might be variations on that answer, but I’m pretty sure that whatever the answer was, it would be about cricket, not about Liz Hurley. You actually have to make quite a mental leap to get from Veitch’s question to the star of Bedazzled. In fact you could only get there, if Liz was on your mind.

So John would like to be Shane Warne because Warnie is having it off with Liz Hurley. John thinks Liz is hot.

Then there’s this pesky word ‘current’. John would like to be Shane Warne because of Shane’s ‘current liaisons’ with Liz Hurley.

So John would like to be having liaisons with Liz Hurley now.

Feminist Green MP, Sue Kedgley, thought John’s remarks were ‘boorish and unbecoming a prime minister.’

The Prime Minister stood his ground.

‘I think she’d be thrilled,’ he told reporters, presumably meaning Liz, not Sue.

It’s not entirely clear whether this was arrogance or wishful thinking. Did ‘thrilled’ mean that Liz would be ‘flattered’ that the Prime Minister of New Zealand thought she was hot, or that the very thought of a liaison with the PM would have rendered her weak at the knees?

And lest she have any doubt about his true feelings or his constancy, the PM added: ‘If you have a look at my recent rankings, I think you’ll find that Liz Hurley’s been quite high up.’

Rankings? Did he say ‘rankings’? On my oath, he did. John has a little list (if only in his mind) of the women to whom he is attracted, a ‘Hottie Index’ if you like. Jessica Alba is on the (current) list for ‘looking pretty hot’ and Angelina Jolie for being ‘not too bad’ either. They’ll both be thrilled, though not as thrilled as Liz, whom they’ll want to kill.

Still, every cloud has a silver lining. You see, if John were Christian rather than Jewish he’d have Jesus to answer to as well as Sue Kedgley.

Matthew 5.28 to be precise: ‘But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.’

For the record, JC – that’s Judy Callingham, not the aforementioned JC – thinks John’s remarks were ‘inappropriate in a prime minister’. I happen to agree. She also thinks a lot of women voters won’t like it, but there’ll be quite a few blokes saying, ‘Good on you, John boy!’ So it’ll probably come out all square in the end. I think she’s got that right as well.

My view of Liz Hurley? Give me Helen Mirren any day. I’m out of adolescence now.

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  1. You know Liz Hurley does look a bit like John Keys wife, still I wouldn’t want to objectify her as my sexual toy fantasy.

  2. On the button…where are McPhail & Gadsby when we really need em… we live in times political satirists can only dream about

  3. When you mentioned Bedazzled, I immediately thought of Ann-Margret.

    I think he’s a plonker (JK, not JC). And I’ll make the point again, even though it’s not necessary: I didn’t vote for him.

  4. …and now the ministerial cat walk dance! It looks like a man deliberately self-destructing his chances… is he sick of the work load already?

    He’s not prime minister material any longer…

  5. Key does comedy better than politics, and the people love him for it. At least in this case, there’s a very high probability that he’s being honest :P

  6. Do the media, whom JK seems to have eating out of his hand, have the balls to make it an issue? It is the opposition’s duty to make it an issue, but does it have the ability to do so, with or without the help of the media?

  7. But he also wants to be Tiger Woods, with all the ‘fringer benefits’. Now I’m pretty blokey but to want to be like a guy who cheats on his wife while she’s preggers….really bad form. On top of that is Tiger’s reported bisexuality….John. Really?

  8. I agree with Bomber Bradbury(nice little rant on Jim Moras show)”Tony Vietch is to polite company what Gonorrhea is to Romance”. Needless to say I agree with BE and am unhappy with Phil Goff following suite .

  9. Willie, the opposition can’t turn it into an issue because Phil Goff did a pathetic “me too” exercise:

    (But at least he had the good sense to put his wife at the top of his list)

  10. “if John were Christian rather than Jewish”

    He’s an atheist who goes to church. I don’t believe he’s ever shown the slightest shred of Jewish practice or belief. But anyway, you’re not supposed to covet your neighbour’s wife.

  11. Hmmm, I think JFK’s a bloke, but I don’t really care. It’s past time he gave up pretending he’s Mark Ellis and stopped appearing as a buddy buddy on Veitch’s show. The sexist crap is only underlined, and made worse, by Veitch getting away with kicking and breaking his ex partners back. Grow up boys.

  12. Some context here, please: He didn’t say it to HRH at some Royal Investiture; it was on a blokey sports radio show, where he answered in the vein of how the original question was asked. As to its “appropriateness”, well, it probably wasn’t; his being the PM ‘n’ all. But no big deal, it was lighthearted.

    @Laurie: “When you mentioned Bedazzled, I immediately thought of Ann-Margret.”

    Why? She didn’t star in that film, it was Raquel Welch; just shows how muddled your thinking is.

    @Andrew: “He’s not prime minister material any longer… ”

    Question for you: Is that a pre-knotted tie on an elasticised neck band that you’re wearing?

  13. why was he on the sports show anyway?

    BE: A regular spot, I understand.

  14. And JK sent a sort of cringe-making message by camping up his RWC uniform tonight on TV. On Prime news update later in the evening, they broadcast his remarks including a giggle from him regarding his “hot list.” I am biased I guess, but somehow, a PM?

  15. and what did he mean by ‘and if you have a look at my recent rankings…”? where can we see them – are they published somewhere? I wanna see if I’m on them! The mincing hand-splayed catwalk strut was also unbecoming of a PM. JC, as ever, is quite right!

    BE: Almost certainly at #2 Aline, just between Liz and Angelique. Now there’s a thought!

  16. I would be interested to know Mrs Key’s reaction to her husband’s frank admission that he lusts after another woman.

    BE: So would I.

  17. Mrs Key would be fine with it, so long as Liz Hurley is on his freebie list.

  18. Liz Hurley’s appeal plummeted in my opinion the moment she was linked to Warne.

    Perhaps the more important issue is: why is Key a guest on a radio show hosted by someone who assaulted a woman.

  19. Imagine for a moment the loud media squawk, followed by weeks of negative speculation, had Helen Clark sat around discussing the comparative merits (on a hottie scale) of Hugh Grant, Brad Pitt and Adrien Brody, or some such.

  20. We’ve seen it all before in politics – hubris will inevitably be followed by nemesis. Only the timing is open to conjecture.

  21. Ben: “I would be interested to know Mrs Key’s reaction to her husband’s frank admission that he lusts after another woman.”

    Don’t be too surprised, Ben, should Mrs. Key “lust” after Liz Hurley, as well. They are a very forward-thinking ‘First Couple’, after all.

  22. Veitch asks him whether he would like to be Australian cricketer Shane Warne.

    Mr Key replies: ‘Yeah, well I’d rather be Liz Hurley.’

    He adds: ‘I like Shane Warne. I reckon he is hot.’

    …is what he meant to say

  23. I was going to say it’s not as if he wore pants to meet the queen or something…but then on current “ranking”, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t…

  24. I can’t seem to get past that photo of Liz Hurley. I try to. But I can’t.

  25. Understandable, Phil. Liz’s smile is rather fetching.

  26. Can pollywog illuminate the cryptology of the three pistons and lightening symbol please?

  27. I think John Key has demeaned the office of PM one time to many…im no prude but please……what next.

    Long for the days of competent government and a decent PM.

  28. i like it From ‘Ninth Floor Productions’, starring John and Liz and Jessica and Angelina (and Shane), It’s ‘Bedazzled PM’. And it’s peppery!!!!!

  29. Im no expert but, that photo looks like its been shopped.JK the leader when youre not having a Leader

  30. This is an “onion” issue capable of being looked at a variety of ways.
    1. From an orthodox Christian perspective the remarks are unacceptable but it’s a bit rich using that frame of reference when contemporary society generally ignores it. It smacks of rolling it out only when when it lends support to one’s political leanings.
    2. From a feminist perspective – well I just confuse myself believing at the same time that much of what is considered unacceptable should perhaps be kept to one’s self (as in this case)while at the same time accepting that we (men) seem hardwired to offend the feminists.
    3. kerry stole my word – I am a Keyophile by and large but do believe there is a fine line between being relaxed,casual and natural, and demeaning the office. John just back off a smidgen now thanks!

    BE: Absolutely nothing to do with my ‘political leanings’. Actually I’m standing pretty straight these days. If you have a look back you’ll find that my treatment of Key and Goff has been even-handed – a mix of criticism and praise or acknowledgement. Note also that that bastion of conservatism, the Herald, also criticised Key’s Hurley remarks in an editorial. As, in the end, do you yourself – sort of.

  31. It is interesting that so many are forgetting the context of Key’s comments. Key was asked by Veitch (how much respect does he command anyway?) if he would like to be Shane Warne? Cripes, instead of keeping the subject to sport, Key chose to take things in an entirely different direction – sex. From two angles I would ask, was that an appropriate choice? The first is, in his capacity as PM. The second is, given Veitch’s apparent lack of regard towards women as recently demonstrated and heard in court.

  32. PJR: Im no expert but, that photo looks like its been shopped..

    You think, they should be standing more pert?

  33. if they’re not pert, they won’t be photoshopped. looks hot but she’s me, me. me – creepy lady but what man cares about moral fibre or citizenship when it comes to sex. jeez, she’d tear most of you guys to bits. yay. i hear your sad replies.

  34. what is Hurley famous for again?Surely not for big tits?

  35. bje: jeez, she’d tear most of you guys to bits. yay. i hear your sad replies.

    Not so! But let’s give some risqué R&J Shakespearian verse to Key, his wife, the maligned femme fatale, herself — and the posters.

    Two mammaries, both alike in dignity,
    On fair Liz Hurley, where we lay our scene,
    From wanton lust break to new idiocy,
    Where civil thought makes civil behaviour unclean.
    From forth the fatal cleavage of these two mounds
    The prime minister does take his honour;
    Whose miscalculation piteous astounds
    Do with this shame bury his member’s ardour.

  36. Has it occurred to any of you that you don’t HAVE to listen to Tony Veitch’s show?

  37. hey merv – what about a limerick.

    john key got hot flushes from hurley
    a girl with big boobs and teeth pearly
    but the score went to warne
    who’s addicted to porn
    and key’s election came early.

    sorry, couldn’t help myself after you waxed so poetic.

  38. I know this is a bit late…but check this out from Charlie Brooker at the Guardian…a piece on Brit Labour leader Ed Milliband…

    “First he was interviewed by Piers Morgan for GQ magazine. Incredibly, he managed to withstand the urge to vomit long enough to describe himself as “a bit square”, and mutter something about wanting to share a desert island with Teri Hatcher, Rachel Weisz and Scarlett Johansson. I can’t work out whether that’s a reality show I’d like to see or not.”