Brian Edwards Media

My White Car Theory

White suv

Judy and I drive quite a lot. Most weekends we head for the bach in Leigh. There and back a couple of hours in total.

In the process I’ve developed a theory about people who own and drive white cars. They are almost invariably selfish, irresponsible and reckless drivers. Within this group there is a subgroup of even worse drivers – the owners of white SUVs.

I have some understanding of the mentality of the SUV driver. For a time I owned and drove a geriatric blue Mitsubishi Pajero. I quickly became intolerant of every other driver on the road, frequently driving up their bums, the horn blaring. Why? Well, I think the answer has to do with one’s elevated viewpoint. I looked down on them!

This goes some way to explaining the mentality of white SUV drivers, but what about the rest of the white car drivers?

I can’t really answer my own question beyond noting that white reflects the most light and stands out more than any other colour. If you want to be seen, go white.

(It’s also the colour of virginity, but that doesn’t suit my argument so I’ll ignore it and move on.)

Three years have gone into my research on white car drivers and I’m confident in my finding that white car owners are the most inconsiderate, the most reckless, the worst drivers in New Zealand.

What can be done? Well, if you own a white car, you should be required to sit a special ‘white car driving test’ and pay a higher ‘white car insurance premium’.

The rest of us will all be safer. (My car is a dark blue Mercedes sports!)

And smugger!

12 Comments:

  1. ah Brian!
    This is a classic of the GOC genre – though I am surprised you have ignored the related phenomenon of white vans & their operators. More, please.

  2. I’m not sure that white car owners are the most inconsiderate, the most reckless, the worst drivers in New Zealand.
    Just visit the road outside any primary school when parents are dropping off or picking up their offspring:
    Kids are unloaded into the road.
    Indicators become inoperative.
    Mirrors become obscured.
    Doors are flung open in front of oncoming traffic.
    Cars pull out in front of oncoming traffic.
    The children are usually pretty well behaved, though.
    Is there some sort of energy field emanating from schools which shrivels parents’ brains temporarily?

    • ….and nearly all of the 4wds are black, or close to it! Most of those which aren’t aren’t white, either!

    • You forgot to include parking over a driveway so that owner can’t get out and glaring at said owner when she (me in this case) honks the horn and tells them to move.

  3. Although not white specifically, I though the reason was that if you’re lazy and can’t be bothered washing your car then a light colour will make that less obvious. I have two black cars and they require frequent washing because they look terrible when they’re even slightly dirty (but fantastic when they’re shiney). I’m also mindful of having either DRLs or headlights on at appropriate times in a dark car because they can disappear into the shadows.

    I haven’t noticed any correlation between car colour and driving ability though. Maybe it’s just Auckland? Having said that, drivers of light trucks (or utes as some people have started calling them) seem to be disproportionately represented in the poor lane disipline statistics.

  4. I don’t know about white cars, but hearing you have a Bach and drive a Mercedes Sports, and vote labour or green, can I test my theory ? Do you drink Chardonnay ?

  5. Agreed Brian. And white car owners don’t drive with their headlights on during the day. I figure they think that the white lights won’t stand out against the glaring white background.

  6. White is the most popular colour for company fleet cars.

  7. I used to drive a white car but now I drive a grey car, so I guess my driving has now improved.

  8. I drive a white car.It was not a conscious choice.The model I wanted was only available in white at the time.I consider SUVs rather than color create the largest threat to safe driving.They do show the dirt despite their color.

  9. In the 90s most cheap imports were white. About ten years ago, they shifted hue, to silver. Anything relevant there, d’y’think?

  10. In a UK winter many moons ago where all the vans are white the wet weather meant the rear vans quickly became dirty and attracted the predictable “clean me” and “don’t clean me plant something” graffiti – one I saw said “also available in white”