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Posts Tagged 'Brian Edwards'

Question: Is Brian Edwards turning into ‘Angry of Mayfair’?

In an earlier incarnation I had my luxurious dark brown beard shaved off by Kenny Everett to raise money for Telethon. Viewers donated several thousand dollars to see my naked visage, complete with double chins.

I interviewed Basil Brush at the same Telethon and got into terrible trouble for asking Basil his views on sporting contacts with South Africa. The owner of the hand up Basil’s brush, a conscientious objector to apartheid, had earlier privately suggested that I ask Basil the question. And I was happy to oblige.

This was in 1981 when I was still hosting Fair Go. It was of course also the year of the infamous Springbok tour. As I was leaving the building a senior TVNZ executive took me aside to remonstrate with me about the Basil Brush question. ‘Why is it,’ he asked, ‘that you always have to spoil everyone’s fun with these serious political questions?’ Boom boom, Mr Derek!

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This Labour Government Does Not Speak for Me – A Brian Edwards Retrospective

In my beloved Rarotonga I got a bug, spent one night throwing up and the next four days with agonising stomach cramps. Not too long after getting home, I caught another bug and spent five days blowing my nose every 40 seconds, coughing up something unmentionable and chain-sucking Strepsils. A woman would have soldiered on, but I am a man and, early in the piece,  took to my bed which pleased the cats hugely.

This is why there have been no new posts on the site for some time. I’ve not been a well man. I need to conserve my strength. And would you really have wanted a rugby heretic like me writing about the Rugby World Cup?  (Actually I thought the opening ceremony and the fireworks were absolutely brilliant and would have been even more brilliant if only Wendy and Andrew had been struck down with laryngitis.  And Murray McCully has behaved appallingly over the last few days, while Len Brown has handled himself with restraint, dignity and grace. –  End of biting and insightful RWC analysis.)

Anyway, to fill the space, I thought you might be interested to read a piece I wrote for the Dominion Sunday Times in November 1987 after one term of ‘Rogernomics’.  It’s idealistic and naive in parts – I’m not sure we’d get very far without competition – but it more or less expresses my core political philosophy. And it still has relevance today.   Read the rest of this entry »

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“I want to be a sex-object.” – A Masculinist Perspective

I want to be a sex object.

I want to attract wolf whistles from cheeky female chippies on integrated building sites. I want comely middle-aged matrons to press lasciviously against me in crowded lifts and huskily inquire, ‘Going down?’ I want graduates from assertiveness training courses to come up to me in bars and say, ‘Hi, my name is Jane. I’ve been watching you from across the room and I find you terribly attractive.’ 

It never happens. It’s not that women find me unattractive. It’s just that they find me attractive for the wrong reasons.

So I’m introduced to Dale over cocktails at the James Cook or the Hilton. She’s 35, gorgeous and the managing director of a multi-billion dollar Canadian logging conglomerate. By midnight all the other guests have gone. It’s Dale, me and Ron Brierley. Dale slips Ron  the money for the bus fare home and he shoots through. Now it’s just me and Dale.

‘It’s five twenty-three,’ she murmurs.

‘My god, is that the time?’

‘No, that’s my room number,’ she replies, a note of irritability entering her voice for the first time that evening.

Her room turns out to be the presidential suite. She pours Dom Perignon, changes into something more comfortable, dims the lights, puts on a record and joins me on the couch – not necessarily in that order. It’s all on!

‘You know, I don’t normally do this,’ she purrs, refilling my already brimming glass, ‘It’s just that I find sensitive, intelligent men such a turn-on.’    Read the rest of this entry »

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Why you should trust Brian’s Bountiful Bonds. (With Money-Back Guarantee and Free Advice for other TV personalities!)

Another 'Brian's Bountiful Bonds' winner!

Perhaps the most important precept in consumer affairs is ‘caveat emptor’ – let the buyer beware. I would have thought this applied as much to investing one’s life savings in a finance company offering above average returns as to buying a flat screen TV or washing machine from a discount store. More really, since in the first case we’re talking about hundreds of thousands of dollars while, in the second, maybe a few hundred bucks will be at stake and the product will be covered by the Consumer Guarantees Act anyway.

In the first instance, therefore, a sensible investor might be wise to get some advice from someone in the finance advisory sector, though preferably not from an advisor employed by the same bank that has a controlling stake in the finance company flogging the product. That advisor just might not be entirely objective… or honest.

On the other hand, an investor  might take the advice of Richard Long, a former television newsreader, on what to do with their retirement funds, or former sports broadcaster, Keith Quinn, on preparing for his or her own eventual demise, or former cricket captain, Stephen Fleming, on how to best warm or cool their home, or (if they prefer fencing paddocks to news-reading) former All Black, Colin Meads, on what to do with their retirement funds, or funny man Mike King on where to buy… well…  just about anything.

In every case that would be a pretty stupid thing to do, since Richard has no expertise in investing for retirement, Keith, despite appearances, is not  dead, Stephen probably couldn’t wire a fuse, Colin,  well, just  listen to the man, and Mike King tells jokes for a living, which really ought to be a warning in itself.   Read the rest of this entry »

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