Hurrah for Harold Harris! A Guide to Speaking Sainsbury.
Posted by JC on July 11th, 2011
Once upon a time aspiring radio and TV stars were sent off for voice coaching before they were allowed to pollute our airways. At the very least they had to have pleasant voices and excellent diction.
No longer. Our TV screens are now populated in prime time by young women whose voices could etch glass at 40 paces and men who happily mangle the language to the point of incomprehensibility.
My current personal favourite is the new dialect of Sainsbury, to be heard on Close Up most evenings at 7pm. I’ve heard the odd Sainsburyism from news reporters on both One and Three and once, to my astonishment, from Mike McRoberts. It’s clearly the coming fashion and we should all adopt it as soon as possible.
Visitors filling in time between World Cup matches may require help with translation before they can fully appreciate Close Up. They may be so impressed with what they hear that they want to start speaking Sainsbury themselves. Here’s a little pronunciation guide for the uninitiated and the eager:
Harold – as in ‘Harold is that dodgy Toyota you’re selling?’
Harris – as in ‘Harris it that you can’t kick the damn ball between the posts?’
Hurrah – as in ‘Hurrah you, now that you’ve had liposuction?’
Harrever – as in ‘Harrever will you get that money out of the country, Mr Hotchins?’
Harroffen – as in ‘Harroffen will Hone hongi Willie before the election?’
Harrintristing – as in ‘Harrintristing! And where did you dispose of the body?’
Feel free to expand this guide – your contributions of any new Sainsburyisms are welcomed.
Next week: How to copy Key – an exercise in syllable reduction.
